Why didn’t I think of that?

The hope and excitement that came along with the pantyhose of the middle part of the last century is being seen in the marketplace with the expansion of Spanx. Actually, expansion is not a good word to explain the explosion in the marketplace of this newly devised foundation garment that last year grossed a reported $250 million for its young founder, Sara Blakely.

If I understand this right, Spanx is designed to make all those moveable parts of our anatomy, which move lower each year after reaching the early 20s, more contained, thus more firm and fully packed. Unlike the pantyhose of the 50s and 60s, Spanx is said to control these parts comfortably for men and women.

It’s one of those wonders that after I hear about, I wonder, “Why didn’t I come up with that idea?” After all, ever since I put on my first long pants, I’ve studied my backside in a mirror hoping for perfection. It never happened. At times there was too much, while other times there seemed to be too little. Lately, it’s too many wrinkles.

Pantyhose hit the market with the pledge to release us from garter belts and girdles with the promise of ease, comfort and smooth lines. What pantyhose gave women was constricted torsos, pinched toes, static electricity and an ugly rash as well as muscle aches from the contortions associated with trying to pull them up then keeping them in the area where they belonged. Pantyhose did not give women a smooth line, rather it pushed everything up and out. Not a pretty sight.

So along comes this highly touted piece of cure-all for not only womankind but mankind as well, although I can’t see my mankind venturing anywhere near the Spanx department.
Will I try them? You bet, anything to keep my moveable parts from moving any lower.

Joyce Ore

Joyce Ore writes delightful stories about life with a dose of humor and sprinkle of nostalgia. Her column appears Saturday in the Tribune.

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