‘Twilight Saga’ finale fails on all levels

“The Twilight Saga” has provided me with hours of entertainment, but not in the same way it might a teenage girl. I have made it through all five films and I consider that a feat for anyone who loves film, because the Twilight Saga is a filmmaking mockery. For this reason, I’ve earned the right to review the final installment of the “Twilight” franchise, “Breaking Dawn - Part 2” and have a little fun.

“Breaking Dawn — Part 2” picks up after “Breaking Dawn — Part 1” with Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, who just gave birth to a daughter, Renesmee. The daughter’s birth strikes fear into the Volturi due to a major miscommunication between vamps. The Cullens create an army to counter an inevitable Volturi attack.

The film starts out with one of the worse credit sequences ever that seems more fitting for a low-budget horror film than a tween fantasy romance. As the font transitions across the screen I witness the best foreshadowing presentation as the film will transition from laugh-out-loud drama to a decent action spectacle.

During the dramatic scenes I can’t begin to imagine what the actors’ motivations are in each scene. Often it appears that the director simply told the actors to look absent-mindedly into the camera and pretend as if they were on the worst soap opera. In wide shots the characters walk slowly and pose as if they know exactly where to pose to make the best posters for the film.

The whole film is staged and has no natural progression. We’re supposed to just automatically care about 20 new characters added to the plot with little exposition.

Had it not been for them being viciously attacked by the Volturi, the most interesting characters in the series, I would have left the film never caring for any of these new characters. Luckily for them I am empathetic, because I’m a human, not some blood-sucking vampire.

Worse than the direction and acting is the special effects work done for this film. The first example of this crime against CGI is when the audience sees baby Renesmee. This freak-child is obviously not real from the first time proud, yet still brooding, mother Bella Swan holds her. The hits don’t stop there. Edward and Bella running through a forest looks equally bad as vampires fighting werewolves. I was immediately reminded of Luke and Leia speeding through the forests on Endor. That was nearly 30 years ago and looks 10 times better than “Breaking Dawn’s” silly forest scenes.

I’ve skewered this franchise justly, but the final act does have a decently thrilling action sequence. The effects are still shoddy, but the sequence maintains some intensity.

Unfortunately it also features multiple decapitations that I could barely watch knowing there was a 10-year-old girl in front of me witnessing this violence. Please, parents, do not take your children to this film. This is a very violent PG-13 film and glamorizes teenage sexuality. Do your child a favor and see a film with an empowering woman such as “Brave.” You owe it to them after they sat through the last four “Twilight” films.

Patrick White

Movie fan Patrick White doesn't spare anyone's feelings when deciding if the latest Hollywood offering is trash or treasure. Catch his reviews on the latest theater and DVD releases in Saturday's paper.

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