Enjoy the Super Bowl — there, I’ve said it


So, are you all ready for the Super Bowl? I can say that here, can’t I? Super Bowl? This is the editorial page, which is kind of like the news portion of the paper. It’s not advertising. So I bet I can say Super Bowl. I don’t have to say “Big Game.” Nope, for me it’s Super Bowl all the way.

That is what the big game is called, is it not? It’s the Super Bowl. Has been for at least XLV years now. If memory serves me right, it was former NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle who dubbed this pro football championship game with its regal title: Super Bowl. Even fancied it up a little bit by identifying each one with Roman numerals. This Sunday’s game — the Super Bowl is what it’s called — is Super Bowl XLVII. Pretty sure that’s 47 in our numbers.

The point here is that the game is called the Super Bowl. Let’s see how many times we can say it; Super Bowl, Super Bowl, Super Bowl. OK, I think that’s enough, for now.

But you wouldn’t know that’s the name if all you looked in the paper for was the advertisements. Every grocery store, liquor store, bar or church group looking to sell something — from food to benefit tickets — says we should be getting ready the Big Game. And why is that? Simple: The NFL owns the rights to the phrase Super Bowl. And if you use it in something aimed at your own personal gain, they will find you and they will crush you.

You can’t sully the name they own — Super Bowl — just to sell a few nacho chips and cheap beer. I think some want to try to defy their orders and advertise their Super Bowl party, but they’re scared. The NFL is a juggernaut. They will find you and I don’t think we want to know what the punishment will be.

So, since this isn’t being written for any commercial gain, I say let’s get ready for the Super Bowl. Once it’s over, we’ll decide whether it was a “big game.”

Strike a pose

Speaking of trademarking things and trying to control them, it seems the NFL’s possessiveness has trickled down to some of its players. Colin Kaepernick will be the quarterback for San Francisco in Sunday’s Super Bowl (there, I said it again). Kaepernick has a little celebration ritual when he scores touchdowns where he kisses his biceps. It’s catching on like wildfire and is now known as “Kaepernicking.”

The word this week is that Kaepernick wants to trademark the signature move. That way he will be able to control any profiteering from the move. Don’t laugh; already Kaepernicking T-shirts are starting to show up in the marketplace. The QB figures he might as well get a slice of that pie while he’s hot.

If all this sounds familiar, it’s because it reminds you of last year’s hot quarterback of the year, Tim Tebow. Tebow’s kneeling in prayer pose in the end zone after scoring touchdowns also caught on fire. Soon everyone was “Tebowing.” Tebowing sightings have dropped off some lately. Perhaps it’s because I scored as many touchdowns in the NFL this season as he did. And perhaps he has been Kaepernicked right out of the picture.

I’m wondering if maybe I shouldn’t try to get in on some of the action. Maybe I can get my signature move to go viral. “Russing.” Soon everyone will be doing it. Well, maybe. My signature pose would probably look quite a bit like someone sprawled out in an easy chair, feet parallel to the ground as if held up with a foot rest, right hand slightly extended straight out from the body as if aiming a remote control at a nearby television. The left arm would be slightly raised as if on an armrest — you have to be careful there not to infringe on the “Al Bundying” trademark. And there it is, Russing, the pose of couch potatoes everywhere.

Anyone else heard this?

Speaking of the Super Bowl — hold the presses! Someone just told me that the opposing coaches for this year’s game are brothers. Really? Wow, someone should have reported on that.

Russ Batenhorst

Don't expect to detect a common topic or theme in Russ Batenhorst's weekly column in the Hastings Tribune. Usually it's whatever slice-of-life observation pops into his head just in time to make the deadline for it to appear each Friday.

Copyright © 2014